The Bad, the Good and the Weird
by Herrdegerre
Summary: Sakura Haruno, Future Warlord. Sasuke Uchiha, Future Clan Head. Naruto Uzumaki, Future Hokage. It's crime Time.
1. Meet the Team

**The Bad, the Good and the Weird chapter 1: The team is formed.**

**The Bad.**

Sakura Haruno scowled. While a scowling five-year old looked adorable, as they tried to emulate their parents, this was actually belying the girl's surprisingly adult outlook on life. The reason why she was scowling was because she had failed to recruit the one person with a comparable intellect to hers.

"That damn lazy Nara! If I could get him to work with me, then I could conquer this village by the time I become a full kunoichi! But no, he thinks that it's too much EFFORT to get off his lazy arse and actually DO something with his brain! GOD, I hate you, Shikamaru."

It was a fucking annoying obstacle, but she could live with it. The Nara were known both for their laziness and their intellect, after all. She'd just underestimated the extent of the boy's laziness. But it wasn't just the laziness that got her blood boiling, it was the lack of drive that the boy had that really infuriated her. For someone of one of the most powerful ninja clans of Konoha, he had the drive of the common plant. And that was an insult to plants. More like the drive of a ROCK. Yeah, a rock. She wondered whether he'd even breathe if it seemed to be too much effort to breathe. Probably, he would. How he even got up in the mornings was only to be known by his mother forcefully having to get him out of bed. Thanks to that little bit of information, she'd hoped to blackmail him into becoming one of her advisors to become a Warlord. However, he'd turned her down because it was a well-known fact that he was too lazy, and it would actually seem plausible, rather than scandalous enough to waste the gossips' time with a titbit they probably knew about.

Sakura knew that, physically, she was not much. Then again, if she could learn about the chakra control techniques of Tsunade, then she could be strong enough to actually conquer through brute strength. However, she needed some muscle and brains to support her rise to power. Sakura knew what her biggest advantage was- her mind. Going into a standard IQ test revealed a score of 200, which was probably the level of Shikamaru, despite his lack of book smarts. Well, he was the stupid one- strategies were all well and good, but give the well-read person a bucket of household chemicals and they could make bombs. Give Shikimaru some household cleaning supplies and he'd go 'too troublesome' and just look at some cracks in the walls.

Oh well, at least she still had access to him in the form of her friendship with Ino. By befriending Ino, she could talk to Shikamaru about her plans safely, since he would think it was too much effort to actually tell anyone else. She could describe them in a game of Shōgi, and he'd point out the weaknesses and not even bother telling anybody else. In short, a very good _de facto _advisor. But she still needed strong people to back her up.

Her room was covered in maps, pictures and diagrams, as she looked through, hunting down the best ones to support her ambitions. Chouji Akimichi was out, as he was going to be in this generation's Ino-Shika-Chou trio. Kiba would be a good choice, but he was WAY too unsubtle for her tastes. The Inuzaka were powerful, but they were front line, hunter-nin and scout-nin, not really what she was looking for. Other children of her age were either unsuitable or just not good enough for her liking, such as the Hyūga- they were simply too well known to blackmail easily. Finally, she'd narrowed her search down to two people who matched her criteria. Sakura's mouth twisted into a cruel grin.

Oh yes, this would work…

"Heh… Heh heh HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

**The Good.**

Sasuke Uchiha scowled. Itachi-nii had been called away by the ANBU yet again, meaning that he wasn't going to train him yet again. He sighed, and kicked morosely at a stone. Cousin Shisui was at least willing to help him train his fireball, unlike his father, who felt disappointed that he wasn't growing as fast as his brother. Well, he was growing, it was just not as fast as his brother had been when he'd been Sasuke's age. Always meant to be as good as his brother, always in Itachi's shadow… why'd Itachi-nii have to be so good at everything? Oh, yeah, he was the eldest, the heir of the Clan Head. He had to be the best, or else his father would be deposed as the clan head and replaced with someone else.

Still, it wasn't too bad. At least he was allowed to practice his fireball under Shisui's supervision. Standing near the jetty, Shisui nodded to him. Sasuke ran through the handsigns and tried to breathe a fireball, but what happened was that he coughed up smoke instead. As he tried to clear his lungs, Shisui clapped.

"That's actually very impressive what you just did. Hell, when I was your age, I don't think I would have even gotten smoke."  
"Itachi-nii did it on his first try."  
"Actually, he didn't. Our clan's gift may be the ability to learn any technique, but even then we have to learn some techniques the hard way. The Fireball Technique is one of those." Sasuke nodded, listening to a tale he practically knew by heart.

"The Fireball Technique is one of the clan's oldest techniques. Ever since Madara's day, it has been used to prove that an Uchiha was worthy of being seen as an adult. It is the mark of a true Uchiha, not some fake." He turned to look at Sasuke seriously.

"Just because you can master any technique you see, doesn't mean that it's right for you. Take the time to improve the techniques you know, and always keep some old favourites. That's the lesson of the Fireball technique." Sasuke stared at him.

"Did you really think that sounded cool?" Shisui rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment.

"Well, it sounded good in my head. But seriously, the Sharingan is nothing but hard work and guts to obtain, and way too easy to use. And there are some odd techniques out there that we can't copy, such as clan secret techniques and Kekkai Genkei." Sasuke nodded again. This talk had given him a lot to think about.  
"Sasuke! It's time to come in!"

"Coming!" As he walked past, he waved to Shisui, who waved back happily, proud that the boy at least had listened to him. Whether or not the lesson stuck was up to Sasuke- if he wanted to be a stuck-up little prick, then he could do that, but he hoped that his cousin would stay the way he was- a sweet little boy with so much going for him.

As Sasuke ate with his family sans Itachi, he kept going over what Shisui had said.

"_Take the time to improve the techniques you know." _With Shisui's words echoing in his ears, Sasuke decided that he would become the best Uchiha in the clan, like his brother and cousin. This path was different from the path that his parents had felt was his, but it was his choice, his conviction- his Ninja Way.

That night, he slipped through the house, as quietly as he could, going to the jetty. Once there, he started practicing his Fireball, outside of the prying eyes of his clan. No matter what, no matter what technique he learned, this would be his favourite.

Unknown to him, Shisui and Itachi were watching him from the shadows, watching his determination.

"Wow, that kid's really got drive, right, Itachi?" Itachi just smiled.

"Sasuke… I'm so proud of you."

"He's only going to get better, and you want him to." Shisui stated the obvious.

Itachi nodded.

"Hopefully, he'll grow strong for himself, and not just to best me. Then, maybe our clan will see Sasuke as who he truly is- a strong ninja in his own right, not just mine."

"You think he knew that you were just transformed into me, right?" Itachi shook his head.

"I think that if they saw me at the pond with my brother, our political stock would have been lowered even more. After all, if I'm not there with ANBU, then the village will just assume that I'm trying to free the Kyūbi or something." Itachi turned to Shisui.  
"Speaking of foxes… where was Naruto?"

"…" Shisui just sagged.

"… You lost him, didn't you." Shisui just nodded.

"Shit."

**The Weird.**

Naruto was currently perched on the top of the Uchiha building, giggling under his breath. Since the Uchiha-jerks weren't very nice to him despite him being the most awesome thing since instant ramen, he was going to get them back with a little prank. Sneaking past Crow had been surprisingly easy, despite him having some kind of freaky teleporting technique. Man, that would be awesome to have! It would be like he was the Fourth Hokage or something!

Currently, he was going to remove the sticks from their butts with a totally awesome prank. This one called for skill and subtlety. With a grin, he hopped over to the nearest fan and, dipping his paintbrush into the pail he was holding, began to paint over the red with a nice, cheery orange. Orange made everything better in his opinion. Then, he ran over as quietly as he could to the next one, and repeated the process. After that, he started to get more daring.

It started when there was a guard near the huge fans on the gates. Sticking his tongue out at the slow-witted guard, Naruto painted over the fan with a brilliant orange. Then, he got an awesome idea. Seeing the large clan symbol on his back, Naruto snuck up behind him, pulled out a smaller paintbrush and started painting over the fan. Running away when the deed was done, Naruto decided to have a little more fun with the various guards.

One guard who'd placed the Uchiha fan on his breastplate had it painted when he'd briefly fallen asleep. Another guard who'd shaven his head and had it tattoed into his scalp had it drawn on while he was too drunk to see anything. The best one was when he'd managed to sneak up on a pair of policemen he disliked and, while painting the little fans on the back of their armour, he snuck in a porno that the Dog-faced ANBU had accidentally left in his apartment. Try explaining THAT to Fuckyou (as he'd taken to calling the chief of police in his head.) Then, he saw the Uchiha laundries and got a really AWESOME idea. He pulled out a couple of dye packets and grinned horribly. Then, he snuck into the laundry.

When he walked out again, it was with intense satisfaction of a job well done. The yellow dye would react with the red fabric in the clan symbols to make them orange, while making the white bit of the fan yellow. Even better, the blue shirts would now be a really cool shade of green thanks to the dye. Satisfied with his awesome pranks, he decided to make like a tree and get the hell out of the compound and back into the orphanage. While he knew that it would only delay matters and force him into a confrontation with the Hokage, it was still amusing when he just outright lied to the Uchiha in their freshly dyed garments. With a chuckle, he ran through the Uchiha rubbish dump. They threw away totally awesome furniture that they didn't want anymore. Seeing a rather nice, if slightly dirty cushion along with a rather battered looking armchair, Naruto appropriated the cushion and swore to come back for the armchair another night. Finally leaving the land of stuck up prissy bastards, he looked out to the lake, where he saw a young boy breathing… smoke? Well, whatever. He'd just sneak back home with his new cushion, wash them, and then sit down on them rather than just sit on the floor. At last, his arse would be warm in the winter.

By the time he'd made it back to the orphanage, he estimated that the Uchiha had only just now discovered his pranks. Still chuckling, the boy walked into the boiler room. Looking both ways, he pulled up an ordinary tile and stashed the cushions in the small room that he knew was below there. Satisfied that his treasures had been secured, the boy decided to get some sleep, as he'd probably be lectured extensively by the Chief of Police really early in the morning. As he fell asleep, one thought stole through his mind.

_Man, I really want to do this for a living…_

Meanwhile, the Third Hokage just rubbed his nose as he looked at his chief of police.

"Hokage-sama, I really must protest about the brat. I have just found out that every fan has been painted orange, including the armour of the clan guards. Not only that, but the clothing of half the clan had now been mixed with yellow dye, which will take special chemicals to remove."  
"Would you rather he start killing people to gain attention?" Fugaku shook his head.

"No, it's just that this prank-"  
"Was also done to the Hyūga, Akimichi, Nara and Inuzaka clans. Your point is?" Fugaku briefly considered telling the Hokage that those cases were less severe when he realised that, technically, he didn't have a leg to stand on with that statement. The boy's humiliations were limited to glitter traps, glue bombs, stink bombs and paint. No prank had ever had the potential to kill anybody. It was simply that the pranks were simply so ingenious that it was prime trap-making training- which indicated a much greater level of mental stability than most Jinchūruki ever had. In short, if Naruto ever read a law book, the Police Force was doomed.

"Well, here's to hoping that he doesn't get a friend that knows the law book off by heart. Imagine what the brat could do with that kind of knowledge." The Hokage just glared at him.

"I just hope that Naruto will actually make some friends at this rate."

**Author's note:  
Please, read and review.**

**Any comments that I like I will reply to them in the next chapter. Until people comment on something I find interesting, I will not update another chapter.**


	2. The team is gathered

**The Bad, the Good and the Weird chapter 2: The Team meets.**

**The Bad.**

Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha. The two best people for her plan. Sakura lowered the telescope, clicking it shut. Then, she opened the pack on her shoulders and pulled out a small envelope, titled 'Blackmail.' While they were the best candidates, it was going to be hard for her to even get them to listen to her without some… leverage.

First, Sasuke Uchiha. The boy was very kind, if a bit aloof due to his parentage and was generally one of the nicest clan head children in the area. He'd impressed a lot of kids his age with his good nature and natural friendliness that was usually only in civilian children like herself. Well, even if she was a civilian, she really needed him, and not only due to potential ability. The Uchiha clan was the largest and most influential clan in the whole of Konoha. Getting access to the clan head's son was only going to help her rise to power. If she could marry into the clan, then she could experience the benefits, such as the Uchiha weapon smiths, who supplied the Uchiha with unique weapons. Getting exclusive weapons, clan rights and a fairly intelligent, good-looking husband who was very nice was a pretty good deal.

Naruto Uzumaki, on the other hand… as an orphan, the boy was an enigma, wrapped in a conundrum, covered with a layer of mystery over mystery. He was extremely loud, brash and cocky, but smile nicely at him and he'd just shut up and fawn over you like a dog. He pulled off pranks that should have gotten him caught, but when he pulled them off, only a couple of ANBU had the skills to catch a boy who by all rights shouldn't have been able to detect ANBU. He was a clan less nobody, but her spying on the Hokage from a distance had revealed the boy barging into the Hokage's office like he owned it. And throughout it all, the boy boasted that he was going to become Hokage, the most influential person in the village. Naruto, in total, was a complete menace, a loose cannon that had amazing potential. Sakura knew that the real reason why she was putting Naruto on her side was simply prudence. Sure, the power was the obvious reason, but she was really doing it because Naruto was a person you wanted on your side more than you wanted him against you.

With Sasuke and Naruto both with her, she knew that she would be in an incredible position. If she could befriend them both, then she would have access not only to the Uchiha clan, but also a connection to Konoha's resident prankster. Since the Uchiha trained their best to be the best ninja in the whole of Konoha, only accepting the best from their clan members, and Naruto was displaying an incredible level of evasion for a five-year old boy- indeed, for a jounin level ninja- apart, those two boys would tear up the ninja world, but together…

Sakura chucked. She could see them now… Her on a throne, with them as her two most trusted advisors. Now, for the leverage she needed. Naruto was going to be the easiest. After watching him for the past six months, she had an incredible amount of blackmail material to use against him. First, there were a couple of glue traps that he'd placed where he'd thought ahead significantly, in order to trap some shopkeepers he disliked. Then, there were the glitter bombs. He'd also rigged up a lot of stink bombs that no one had yet found in the toilets in the police station. There were a lot more of these simple yet cunning pranks, and those pranks were only the ones that she'd found. Naruto had managed to evade her easily, despite his loud mouth and her constant observation. It galled her to admit it, but Naruto was the master of sneaking around and popping up unexpectedly, and compared to him, her stealth was at best novice. Compared to ANBU, she knew that she was nothing, and Naruto outmanoeuvred them like it was nothing. So Naruto was never going to be brought low by stealth, but rather, through her own luck and skill at listening to gossip.

Sasuke, on the other hand, was going to be much harder to fit in. While she'd decided not to go after the Hyūga that were her age, due to some sort of rumour going around, the Uchiha had lost a lot of respect in the village, and the rumour mill had no information on why this prestige was lost. It was maddening. She'd only gotten that it had been around the time of the Kyūbi's attack on Konoha five years ago, and after she'd pressed for details, even her own mother, a notorious gossip, had hastily changed the subject. Whatever the reason, the Uchiha were, to her mind, a safer bet than the Hyūga, if only due to the fact that the Uchiha were even better known, and that Sasuke, as the son of the head of the Uchiha clan, would attract more scandal than the shy, timid Hinata. However, she'd managed to slip past the tight security of the Uchiha clan by using a telescope from a hidden position. While a couple of them looked a bit suspicious, she'd been almost completely undetected. She'd spied the young Uchiha practising a fire technique near the lake, and felt that she'd found her leverage.

Since she now knew that Sasuke was now aiming to train himself, she could now convince him to join her little group as a bodyguard. She had to remember to thank Ino. While she couldn't join her little group of convenient bodyguards due to being a Yamanaka, her close proximity to the local gossips made her an invaluable friend- not only because she'd defended her from bullies, but also because of her knowledge of what was going on, especially when it came to Naruto's whereabouts. For some reason, the gossips hated Naruto with a passion, and the boy's location was transmitted across the village like wildfire. If they knew how dangerous Naruto could be, they'd be a little more cautious when slandering the boy, lest he actually get it into his head to start making his pranks lethal. A Naruto who wanted to kill could probably only be brought down by the Hokage and one ANBU in a dog mask, and even then, that was debatable.

**The Good.**

When Sasuke woke up the next morning, it was to cheerful sunshine and the sounds of birds chirping. Stretching, he rolled out of bed and walked over to the cupboard. Once there, he pulled out… a green shirt? Shrugging, he pulled it on, then put on a pair of white shorts and, confident in the morning sunlight, strolled down to breakfast. The sound of his father and his brother talking in the living room piqued his curiosity. Careful to stay out of the way, he knelt near the keyhole and listened in.

"…I'm telling you, the brat's going to pay for this one."

Itachi rubbed his eyes. Once his father had gotten back from his meeting from the Hokage, he'd been a little angry, but was willing to put on an expression of aloofness to reassure his clansmen. However, this morning, he was telling Itachi about the young Uzumaki's crimes.

"Father, I'm telling you, you know that the Hokage claims that Naruto Uzumaki had not left the orphanage."

"The report I got from the matron there was different. According to her, the boy was not sleeping where he was supposed to be sleeping-"  
"The boy is currently sleeping in the boiler room." Fugaku glared at him.

"The Hokage cannot make a move here without evicting the boy, and if we make a fuss, then the civilians will think we're doing it to gain power. It's the third orphanage that the boy has gone to, and the last two were much worse. In the last one, there were clear signs of abuse, and aren't we glad that the boy is at least warm, rather than trying to kill us?"

Sasuke blinked, and almost gasped, before remembering his training.

_Don't breathe a word. Breathe a word, and you might die._

Determined, he continued listening. He knew Naruto. Everyone did. The loudmouthed fool, with the spiky blonde hair and blue eyes, always loudly yelling to the heavens about how he was going to become Hokage and challenging everyone. Adults chased him away from them, but they just left their parents to talk and play with the forbidden boy. Strangely enough, it was only the other clan members who chased away the boy. His mother just encouraged him to play. Why then, did his father and brother think he might start killing people?  
_Naruto Uzumaki… what are you?_

"Father. I still think that we should just drop this matter." Fugaku sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I know, damn it. It's the wise thing to do. Naruto is the ward of the Hokage, the Professor himself. But I still think he should be punished, not given more attention."  
"You know, due to his circumstances, it's attention he wants. The whole village hates him, for a secret that not even we can talk about in front of those who don't know." So saying, he walked over to the door, and opened it.

Sasuke stayed perfectly still, not even breathing. His father looked at him.

"Hn. Well done, Itachi. Even I couldn't tell." Sasuke stayed stock-still. His father couldn't tell that he was eavesdropping, but he was praising Itachi, not him. He decided to stay silent. His father looked at him.

"You are dismissed." Sasuke stood up stiffly, bowed, and then went off to breakfast.

Fugaku turned to Itachi.

"Well, Itachi?"  
"He followed all of my advise regarding stealth. And he certainly had the composure, even after we found him." Fugaku looked away.

"Well, he's certainly impressive." Itachi looked at his father.

"Why not just tell him to his face that you're as proud of him as you are of me?" Fugaku looked away.

"Because I'm afraid of him not believing me. If I said I was impressed with him, he might feel that I was lying." He sighed.

"And our clan will just twist my words, making it out that I'm proud of him because you're his brother. I'm impressed with him because he's not you, exactly. He's got a different genius to you, Itachi." Then he smiled, slightly.

"He's certainly got more chakra at his young age than you did." Itachi silently nodded.

"That's true enough."

After breakfast, Sasuke went out to the lake again, with his brother. For once, he'd actually gotten his brother to help him. While out there, he decided to ask the question.

"Say, Itachi-nii-san."  
"Hm?"  
"What were you and father talking about?"  
"You know what we were talking about, Sasuke."  
"No. Why did you think that Naruto might kill people?" Itachi stiffened slightly, then relaxed.

"I don't think Naruto might kill people the way he is now, but he had the potential to be a killer." Sasuke frowned.  
"What do you mean by that?" Itachi shook his head, and then smiled.

"I thought we were training, Sasuke." Pouting, Sasuke started to mould chakra in his lungs, preparing the fireball.

_Someday, I'll figure you out, Naruto. But not today._

This time, rather than smoke, there were some sparks. Itachi clapped.

"Good effort, Sasuke. Much better than I did on my third try."  
"You're just saying that."

"No, I mean it. Nobody has ever mastered the Fireball technique straight off the bat. It's all a matter of practise. Keep it up, and you will master the technique." Sasuke nodded, blowing smoke out of his mouth.

"Got it, aniki!" Eyes folded up as he smiled, he started moulding chakra for his fourth attempt.

When he came in for lunch, he was exhausted, but really happy with his progress. Maybe tomorrow, he'd actually breathe a fireball! As he dug in to a plate of onigiri, his mother came in with a letter.

"Sasuke, this is for you." Mumbling a thank you, Sasuke took the letter and opened it.

_Dear Sasuke,_

_I really admired your dedication to the ninja arts. Maybe we could play ninja together tomorrow at the old training ground? That would be fun, right?_

_See you there!_

_Sakura Haruno._

Mikoto looked over her son's shoulder at the letter.

"Oh, she sounds nice." Sasuke spun around.

"Mother! I was reading that!"  
"Well, you'll be going. _Won't _you?" Sasuke identified the toe of voice that mothers used when you were being forced into doing something that they thought you were supposed to do.

"Yes, mother."

**The Weird.**

When Naruto awoke early in the morning, expecting the chief of police, he was surprised that the man was not there at the usual time, i.e. four in the morning. Taking this unexpected windfall for what it was, he slept in a bit more, until the dormitories were officially opened at six. After looking around, Naruto shifted the loose tile and climbed down the ladder into his hidey-hole.

He'd found it when he'd first been moved to the boiler room. While he felt lonely at first, that had changed when he found the loose tile when he'd kicked it in a moment of anger. Feeling curious, he'd shifted the tile to discover a trap door. Opening it had revealed a ladder, which led to a surprisingly spacious area in the sewer system, nice, clean and dry. Cold, but nowhere was perfect. And anyway, it was always slightly warmer than outside, due to heat leaking from the boiler. From this hidey-hole, Naruto could get to an old, abandoned training ground, and from there, it was a straight road towards the Hokage's tower along side streets and rooftops. Only ninja used the roofs, and you were less likely to get yelled at and be ignored by other people if you went along the roofs. He moved the cushions he'd thrown down there to another room, which was warmer and more spacious, filled with old, slightly torn furniture. He'd learned to be neat and tidy, and to check furniture for rats. He'd learned how to sew, and had patched up the holes in furniture with a couple of patches. All in all, there weren't many better places to hide form the villagers than down here, in the secret places.

Naruto shook his head. Don't think about the villagers, think about the Hokage hat. Best hat of all, any who wore it had the respect of the village. If he became the Hokage, then everybody would look up to him, and he couldn't be ignored. He hated being ignored. Orange was noticeable, and pranks got him attention. But he had to hide in order to pull off his pranks. But that was part of the challenge. Put in a little effort not to be noticed and you get a huge payout.

As Naruto exited his little trapdoor, making certain that the door had no lines where the grass on top met the grass, he stretched out, enjoying the sunlight on his skin. Man, this was the life. No annoying matron, no nasty ANBU, just the quiet of the training ground. Naruto grinned. Now, time to plan the next wave of pranks.

First of all, go to the hot springs and rig up a glue trap under the hole in the boards on the women's side of the bathhouse. That way, when perverts tried to peak on the women, all he'd have to do was yell out about perverts and even the most skilled would be unable to move, allowing them to be beaten on by loads of women and thus granting Naruto some sort of kudos, even if there was none. What he was doing was a service to the community, and as such should be rewarded. Of course, if it was the Hokage, he wouldn't yell about perverts. He liked the Hokage, and as such, the Old Man was immune to his pranks, as was his clan.

Second of all, there was the ANBU masks. He disliked those masks- they were worse than the disapproving looks that the villagers gave him. So, he had a good idea of where the ANBU were generally located, and then he could fool around with their masks. Permanent marker would allow him to scrawl on the masks of those he didn't like, such as Clam and Lobster. Those guys were usually the ones chasing him. Sure, they couldn't actually catch him, but they usually forced him to go straight towards ANBU like Dog and Crow, who could actually catch him, and Naruto, despite their meanness sometimes, still liked them too much to actually prank them. After all, at least they were nice enough to give him a bit of a head start.

As for messing with the police… Naruto decided that he would back off. After all, they were going to be really pissed off due to his rash of pranks against them, so he'd leave them alone. Since Crow was an Uchiha, that meant that he was now exempt from the ANBU mask prank.

Naruto might have been a bit loud, but nobody could really call him stupid. Not book smart, but he was definitely interested in anything that he really enjoyed. If that was something like making paint bombs, glue traps and making convincing fake kunai that would release paint on the user when they tried to hit anything with them, then Naruto would avidly read it, puzzling out the few kanji that he couldn't really read yet.

"Well, that was unexpected."

Naruto whirled around. There were two people around his age here! One of them was a girl, with REALLY bright pink hair and a little red dress, along with a pair of sandals. The other one, who was looking at him in a strange way, looked like an Uchiha. Wait… his shirt was green. Naruto briefly considered laughing, but chose to keep quiet. Why were they here? He thought that this place was off limits to people like this. The girl sighed, and brushed her hair in an anxious way.

"Who are you people?"

**Author's note:  
Please, read and review.**

**Thanks, Ninishly! It's comments like yours that make me want to write.  
I read a fic by Rorschach's Blot called What if? It had a lot of little story fragments, and there was the most recent one, with a slightly evil genius Sakura. I simply chose to make her even more of an evil genius. Sasuke is now going to be more likeable and saner thanks to this, and will also be instrumental to their success. And crazy awesome Naruto is just going to be a bundle of love and joy, and also be important towards the group's wellbeing. Oh, and I like comments. Don't feel afraid to comment on this story! Reviews motivate me to update!**


	3. The team unites

**The Bad, the Good and the Weird chapter 3: The Team unites.**

**The Bad.**

When Sakura saw the loudmouthed, black shirted boy walk out from the woods, chuckling, she knew that the plan had just gone to hell in a hand-basket. She'd tried to send a letter to Naruto, but not only had the matron said that the boy had not been seen since yesterday, she'd directed her to a boiler room, where the boy had slept, and Sakura had seen no sign of the boy anywhere. Naturally, Naruto's ability to appear and disappear was going to be a factor in her plans, but she hadn't anticipated this kind of unpredictability. Naruto had not only just walked out of the woods surrounding the training ground, he wasn't even fawning over her for offering to be his friend, which meant that he'd not only never seen her offer, it also meant that he didn't know that she knew about his pranks. And she couldn't well tell the boy, as it would just alienate her from a person who could evade ANBU and had the friendship of the Hokage.

"Well, this is unexpected."

The boy whirled around, finally spotting them. Wearing a pair of orange shorts and a black shirt with an orange spiral, the boy looked confused to see the pair of them there. Sasuke was even more confused to see the boy there in the first place. Then again, she hadn't told him that she was expecting Naruto there…

_Sakura excitedly greeted Sasuke. _

"_Hiya, Sasuke! You came!" The boy smiled, and waved back. Then he assumed an adorably adult look._

"_You're Sakura, right?" When she nodded, he smiled._

"_It suits you." He looked around._

"_So, it's just the two of us. Anyone else coming?" Sakura smiled, while internally, she was cussing and screaming at Naruto._

"_No, I don't think so, Sasuke." At that moment, a yellow-haired boy that she KNEW was Naruto walked out of the trees and completely ignored them. Sasuke was shocked, and she was as well._

Sakura mentally got a hold of herself.

_Sakura, calm down. Just because Naruto doesn't know about his pranks being found does not meant that I can't befriend him. In fact, this is better for the plan- if Naruto was aware of our knowledge, then he wouldn't trust us at all._

Right. Just alter the plan. Sakura flipped her hair anxiously.

"Who are you people?"

Saskue looked at him strangely.

"Sasuke Uchiha. You're the one who painted over all the fans with orange paint." Naruto may have been shocked, but he was smiling that foxy smile of his, so it was pretty hard to tell. Sasuke continued.

"I have to ask, though… why did you do that?" Naruto shrugged.

"They needed the sticks pulled outta their asses, as did those Hyūga people, the Nara, the Akimichi, and even the Inuzaka." He leaned in a bit further.

"Those dog-bastards act like they're so much better than everyone because they have a dog, but that didn't stop the glue traps from sticking them to their own dogs." He laughed at this, and Sasuke, much as he tried, joined in with him, because that was a pretty good prank. Even Sakura joined in, while mentally, her brain whirled.

_Great. Naruto pulled off a series of pranks on some of the most influential clans, and I only found the Uchiha prank? Then again, it probably isn't public knowledge. They wanted to preserve their dignity and respect amongst the civilians. Even so, I was staking the orphanage out for about two weeks, to the best of my ability. How did he even slip out? _

Well, she had a kind of answer. Naruto was about a couple of blocks away from the orphanage. Somehow, he'd managed to travel that way without being seen, and popping up there. So he obviously had a secret passage of some sort. Maybe she could persuade him to show the passage to his friends. After all, they WERE going to BE friends. She smiled, and it was a genuinely friendly smile.

"Hey, Naruto! Since you need more than one person to play ninja, do you want to join in?" Naruto, who was regaling Sasuke with the story of 'The great Hyūga orange paint prank,' looked up so quickly it didn't seem possible.

"R-really?" He sounded so hopeful, it was all Sakura could do not to just jeopardise the plan. Instead, she smiled and shut her eyes at him.

"Sure!" He and Sasuke jumped up, eager to play ninja. Sasuke unshouldered the bag and pulled out a lot of wooden kunai and shuriken. Naruto took a lot of the kunai, while Sasuke favoured shuriken. Sakura took an even amount of both.

"Alright, let's go!" The children scattered into the bushes.

Sakura was currently reviewing the plan and making a couple of minor changes. Right, now, Sasuke was evading with considerable skill… for an ordinary boy from the most prestigious clan in Konoha. She threw a kunai at his position, and smirked when the boy leapt out of the bushes and threw a couple of shuriken at her position. She moved out into the clearing… where Naruto was just waiting for her. Had he even moved? When he saw her, he grinned.  
"Yeah! Got you!" He moved in, using his kunai in a reverse grip for more leverage. She knew that in a real fight she would be beaten, so she blocked it inexpertly. He advanced on her, eventually managing to make a fatal hit in real life. As she fell, she noted that.

_Note to self: improve close-quarters combat enough to actually defend myself. No point in that if I can't recruit them at all._

Suddenly, the tapping of shuriken from behind Naruto alerted her to Sasuke, who'd snuck behind them and thrown a couple of shuriken lightly in order to hit Naruto. Naruto, in response, threw a wooden kunai in Sasuke's direction, bonking him on the forehead before keeling over in exaggerated death throes.

"Argh, I am dying, no." Sasuke had to laugh at that. Sakura joined in as well, laughing at Naruto's exaggerated performance. Sasuke wiped the tears out of his eyes.

"Let's do this more often, okay?" Sakura struggled to keep her face nice and friendly as Naruto enthusiastically agreed and Sasuke nodded as well.

_Yes, yes, let's keep meeting and make friends with each other. Now, we can really accelerate my plans! Although… I might have to change some aspects of the plan now that Naruto doesn't know about the blackmail._

As soon as Sasuke and Naruto left, Sakura walked through town, looking around for something that would interest the boys next week. While she couldn't exactly buy weapons, she _could _buy a couple of sheets of chakra nature paper. It wasn't cheap, but she had managed to pickpocket a couple of wealthy merchants and stolen enough ryō to buy a pack of twenty. It would be fascinating to see what their natures were. Naruto she had pegged for the common Fire element, Sasuke as Fire, and as for herself… probably Water. After all, she felt that water suited her- transparent, but at the same time deceptive.

As she entered the shop, she attracted the attention of the shopkeeper.

"Well, hello, little miss. What can I do for you today?" Sakura smiled sweetly, while on the inside she was yelling insults at this shopkeeper.

"I'd like a pack of chakra paper, please." She held out the wad of ryō. Money might not buy you happiness, but it could buy you some pretty good equipment to make your way towards it.

**The Good.**

Sasuke was smiling as the letter from Sakura was found in the letterbox after the first week, as she said it would. He'd enjoyed their game of ninja, even if it wasn't exactly Uchiha material. Nevertheless, it was fun to be around other children his own age. He pulled the letter out, opened it with a kunai and read it.

_Sasuke, _

_Come to the same training ground as last time. I've got a surprise for you and Naruto!  
Sakura Haruno._

Sasuke was wondering about what Sakura had that warranted such importance all through lunch. When he finished, he ran off towards the old training ground, wondering what it was that Sakura was going to show them.

Once there, he waved to Naruto, who'd shown up early to do something with a roll of paper.

"Hey, Naruto, what're you doing?" Naruto grunted.

"Doodling." Looking over Naruto's shoulder, Sasuke had to suppress a gasp. Naruto was drawing what looked like an explosive tag. Low yield, and in crayons, but still recognisable.  
"Naruto, that's an explosive tag you're drawing!" Naruto looked up, eyes sparkling.

"REALLY?" Sasuke's eyes slanted.

"Don't get so excited. It won't go off without sealing ink." Naruto closed his eyes and got into an exaggerated thinking posture. Finally, his eyes opened and he slumped over in defeat.

"Hmmm… what's that?" Sasuke was tempted to smack Naruto on the back of the head. Instead, he started to explain.

"Naruto, Sealing Ink is a special kind of ink infused with chakra that you use in conjunction with paper to make seals, like what you're doing." Naruto nodded.

"And I can get it from…?" Sasuke's eyes blanked out and he sweatdropped at this blatant attempt.  
"IDIOT! DO YOU WANT TO DIE?" Naruto looked at him in shock.

"No way! Then I won't be able to become Hokage!" Before Sasuke could get into a minor argument with Naruto, Sakura showed up, wearing a nice, plain red shirt and a pair of shorts.

"Sorry I'm late, my mother wanted to talk, and I had to stay at home for a while." Naruto nodded, but Sasuke was curious about what Sakura was doing. She was holding what looked like a small block of little pieces of paper.  
"What're those?" Naruto was leaning in, looking at the paper. While Sasuke wasn't going to vocalise his curiosity, he was going to listen carefully to what Sakura had brought for them.

"Oh, they're chakra nature paper. You put a little bit of chakra into them, and depending on what happens, it tells you your chakra nature." Sasuke blinked.

"Aren't those kind of expensive for a civilian?"  
"I've been saving up a lot of pocket money in order to buy them. So, you want to see what element you have?" Sasuke was still a little misgiving, but he nodded. Naruto, of course, was up for it.

Sakura explained how to control your chakra finely enough to channel into the piece of paper. It was just a matter of focusing your chakra into the leaf, like those chakra exercises that Itachi did sometimes 'to keep his hand in.' Sakura went first. Channelling her chakra into the paper, half of the paper got wet and the other half turned into earth. She blinked at that.

"Huh." Naruto was looking at the paper.

"Half of it's damp and half of it's earth. Is that important?" Sasuke nodded.

"It sure is, Naruto. A duel nature is incredibly rare. Almost as rare as a Wind Element." Naruto nodded in understanding.

"Okay! I'm going to be the rarest of them all! I'm going to be the Hokage if I can show my super awesome elemental affinity!" Sakura nodded.

"Well, looks like I've got a duel Water/Earth affinity. Sasuke, it's your turn." Sasuke grabbed the bit of paper and channelled his chakra in, feeling the paper do something. He looked at it.

Half of the paper was burnt to a crisp, while the other half was crinkled. Naruto whistled.

"So, it's crinkly and burnt? That's Fire and Lightning, right?" Sakura nodded. Sasuke was a bit dumbfounded. A duel nature? Only Itachi-nii had that, and he had a nature that countered its own weaknesses to an extent. Naruto, ever boisterous, picked up a piece of paper and enthusiastically channelled chakra into the paper. The piece of paper split in half. Sakura whistled appreciatively.

"A Wind Element. Looks like we complete the Elemental circle." Naruto looked at her with a glazed look. She hastened to explain.

"Well, Fire beats Wind, Wind beats Lightning, Lightning beats Earth, Earth beats Water and Water beats Fire. But Wind natures are really rare, and Fire is quite common." Naruto raised a hand in objection.

"That's no fair! How does Fire beat Wind?"  
"Wind increases the power of Fire techniques." Sasuke smirked a little.

"Looks like you're weak to me, Naruto." In response, Naruto sniggered.

"I can still beat your lightning any day of the week." Before they could argue with each other, Sakura suggested something completely awesome.

"Hey, we could practise some chakra control exercises I found in the library!"  
**The Weird.**

Naruto was still pretty pumped up about his rare element. A rare element was always good, wasn't it? That way, he could prove to the village that they needed an AWESOME Hokage like himself, who could use Wind Jutsu! Even if it wasn't Fire, didn't Wind make Fire more powerful? Yeah, he was DESTINED to be the Hokage. Then, chakra control exercises sunk in. He hated those! The teacher's, while informative, told him that he was doing it wrong every time, when Naruto didn't know how to really do it! Not fair!

"Aww, not more chakra control exercises! Those are boring!" Sakura looked at him in that funny way that she did.

"I'm not talking about leaf sticking, I'm talking about tree walking." Tree Walking? What the heck was that? Naruto decided that it sounded cool.

"Alright! Let's do this!"

Sakura was currently reading off a scroll on what to do. Naruto was sitting interestedly, trying to learn about what he had to do. As soon as she said that it allowed you to climb trees without your hands, Naruto was hooked. With this kind of technique, he could pull off even MORE awesome pranks! He could walk on walls, he could walk on the ceiling, he could even climb the Hokage Mountain and paint it! That last one was filed in the back of his mind for later, though, since he wanted to not test how well he could heal himself from a fall like that. Sakura demonstrated, walking up to the highest branch easily. She sat down, panting but still smiling.

"I did it…" Naruto was currently focused on the technique's awesomeness.

"SO COOL!" Following Sakura's explanation, he planted a foot on the tree trunk, focused his chakra, and the tree suddenly had a foot-shaped indent in it. Sasuke blinked at that, then suddenly fell on the gorund.

"Naruto, the exercise is to CLIMB the tree, not CARVE it!" Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, then refocused on the stubborn tree. He, Naruto Uzumaki, was not going to let this stupid exercise get the better of him!

Two hours later, and Naruto had managed to climb at least a couple of feet of the ground before he literally exploded off the tree trunk due to his chakra. He was panting, but at least Sasuke hadn't done much better. Sakura was an awesome teacher, but even she could only give general pointers. Interestingly, when he'd asked how she could sense chakra, she'd gone quiet, before she'd just said that it was a bloodline limit thing that only a couple of people could do. Oh well, that would have been awesome if he could sense chakra, but then again, Sakura was really good at that kind of thing. He resolved to come back here tonight.

The Third Hokage watched Naruto as he and his new friends went their separate ways, and stroked his beard reflectively. While he knew that it was good that young Naruto had some friends, there was something slightly… off about the pink haired civilian. A shopkeeper had told him that a young girl matching her description had paid for a pack of about twenty chakra sensing papers, and then, a couple of merchants had shown up with reward signs for their missing wallets. Then, there was this 'extra' training she was engaging in with the Clan Head's youngest son and Naruto. Tree walking was an advanced subject that was usually in the hands of Jounin instructors, and as such, a civilian girl should not have had access to a book like that. While she wasn't doing anything to harm Naruto or young Sasuke, he was going to be suspicious of her. If the girl tried to hurt Naruto, then she'd experience his wrath.

**Author's note:  
Please, read and review.**

**Thank you, Tanaynay-Jaswahshay, I feel fantabulous now. **


	4. The Team powers up

**The Bad, the Good and the Weird chapter 4: The Team powers up.**

**The Bad.**

Inside her room, Sakura was reviewing what she'd learned at the game of Ninja.  
_Duel nature Water and Earth for me, Duel Fire and Lightning for Sasuke and Wind for Naruto. I've discovered that I'm a Sensor nin, and that I've got a better chakra control than those two idiots. Then again, women generally have better chakra control, due to lower reserves._

Sakura absent mindedly looked through the book, looking for low level, easy to use chakra control exercises that she could pull off quickly and quietly, so as not to attract the attention of her neighbours. Tree Walking would be good in an enclosed space. Besides, she needed to pace to come up with a plan for her two idiot friends.

_First, Naruto. He's got the worst chakra control, so he'll have to work on that. Then again, if he puts so much chakra into his feet, then he could turn it into a technique or something- if it can carve solid wood, what would it do to human flesh? His Wind nature is also going to be an interesting fix. As for that seal… Maybe I could find a couple of books on Fūinjutsu for him to read. Oh, and help him with his reading and writing. _If she wanted Naruto to be her personal source of advanced Sealing techniques as well as basic ones, then he had to be able to learn about powerful seals, and as such, he needed to learn how to read and write legibly.

_Now, for Sasuke. Sasuke's already getting ninja training- maybe I could ask for help with my own ninja skills? Maybe I could find a couple of 'other' chakra control exercises for them to do- if Sasuke can get off the Grand Fireball Technique, then he'll have access to the Uchiha Clan Library, and maybe he'll get me some of their scrolls of techniques. Apart from that, I might be able to find a couple of low-yield lightning techniques, and that way, Sasuke can practice with his lightning nature. Then, he'll be grateful enough to help me with some Earth techniques. The Uchiha would definitely have some Earth techniques- it makes sense when you're a clan renowned for its Fire techniques. _

By this point, Sakura was on the ceiling over her bed. Letting the chakra in her feet let off, she twisted so that she fell onto the bed safely.

_Finally, me. With my Duel nature Earth and Water, they're going to be hard to find techniques. Earth is a common enough nature, as is Water, but getting access to those techniques is going to be hard. Even low level ones are going to be hard. So, less focus on my techniques, and more focus on other abilities. Train up my reserves and chakra control, and improve my sensing abilities. Those are going to be invaluable. On another note, find some books on how to train genjutsu. Those rely on having a high level of chakra control, and I can easily find some low level ones from the library. _

She smiled sweetly at that. She'd start with Naruto first. Since it was going to be a long while before he could learn how to read and write legibly, she might have to recruit some help.

"Oh, hello there! You're Sakura, aren't you?"  
_Stick to the plan. _

She was standing in front of Iruka Umino, a Chūnin at the Ninja Academy. She remembered him as one of the teachers who didn't treat Naruto like he was a piece of crap, so he would be ideal help, if he wasn't trying to help already. She had a nervous look pasted on her face.

"Um, Sensei?" Iruka got down to her level.

"What is it you want help with?" He was also one of the nicest people she'd met. Informative, part of the academy, and ever willing to lend supplies to students who needed them. A total sucker, in other words.

_I'm reeling you in, and you don't even know it._

"It's about Naruto… I'm one of his friends, and I want to help him in his schoolwork…" As she said those words, and saw the familiar look come into his eyes whenever somebody mentioned Naruto, she knew she had him. When she'd been staking out the orphanage, she'd seen Naruto meet Iruka there. Following them to a ramen stand, she'd seen them talking about many things. Sometimes, Naruto had cried, at other times, Naruto was just his loud, boisterous self. She'd eaten there at the ramen stand herself, and it was really good ramen with good management. Extrapolating from these findings, she knew that the man would be willing to help her out with teaching Naruto how to read.

"How do you want me to help?"

_Hook, line and sinker. _

She smiled shyly at him.

"I want to help him learn how to read and write, sensei." Iruka rubbed his chin.

"Hm, he _could _use some pointers in the handwriting department… and he _was _having trouble with some kanji…" He looked around.

"Be back in a moment." Sakura waited patiently for Iruka to come back. Eventually, he returned, carrying a lot of books, pens and even what looked like a small, portable desk. At her questioning stare, he said, "We can't teach Naruto in the orphanage. I'll take you to somewhere Naruto goes when he doesn't want to be disturbed or found."

She'd had her doubts about Iruka's sanity when he'd walked down an alleyway. She'd had even further doubts when he'd started skipping, and then told her to do the same. But when she looked closer, she'd seen the wires, and wisely skipped over them in the patterns that Iruka had done. Eventually, Iruka stopped at a manhole.

"Wait here." As he lifted the manhole cover up, Sakura was struck by an epiphany.

The legendary Konoha catacombs.  
When Konoha had been founded, the First Hokage, in his enthusiasm, had made an intricate network of tunnels, caves and chambers using high-power Earth ninjutsu. But, unfortunately, he'd forgotten to provide a map, and eventually, it was regarded by any serious historian as a myth. But then again, this was a ninja village. What if Naruto had discovered an entrance to these catacombs, and used that to travel around Konoha? That way, he could pop up anywhere he wanted, if he knew what he was doing. Iruka motioned to her to follow down the ladder. When she'd descended, he looked at her.

"This is Naruto's bolthole. Only the Hokage and I know where this is. Tell anybody about this place, and the Hokage will not be happy." Sakura agreed. This was Naruto's secret, and hers as well. Now that she knew that it existed, she'd act a little stupid to get more information out of Iruka.

"Sensei, what is this place?"  
"This is an entrance to the Konoha Catacombs."  
"I thought those were a myth?" Sakura wanted to learn about this.

"The Hokage have made this an S-rank secret to be kept by the Hokage and anybody that finds them. This was originally Konoha's planned sewage system, but fortunately, Madara was the one to design that."  
"Madara designed the sewage system?"  
"That's another secret for you, eh? The sewage system runs along the tops of these tunnels and chambers." Iruka grinned.

"Funny that the original Gods of Shinobi were so obsessed with excrement, eh?" At Sakura's nod, he set down the desk. I'll tell Naruto that you plan to help him learn how to read the next time I see him, alright?" At Sakura's nod, he stood up. "Come on, let's get up." As they climbed the ladder, Sakura couldn't help but grin. This was nothing short of perfect.

**The Good.**

Sasuke was training his Grand Fireball on his lonesome again. He flowed through the handseals- Horse, then Tiger. He inhaled air, feeling his chakra convert it into Fire, then exhaled. A perfect fireball streamed forth, shooting over the lake. He coughed up smoke, panting, but victorious.

_I did it. I did a Grand Fireball at a younger age than my brother. _

He ran back to the house, excited about what he'd done. That chakra control exercise where you walked on trees had really helped him get the Fireball down. In his spare time, he'd practised doing the Tree Walking Exercise, and now, after a considerable amount of personal practise with the Grand Fireball, he'd achieved it in about three weeks of constant practise. He'd noticed that his chakra reserves had increased, and had just stepped up the training in order to compensate. He'd also taken to looking at some of the other teachings of the clan, such as some of the kusarigama techniques that Madara had been famous for, along with his kenjutsu, and for that, he could ask his mother for help. She really knew about swords. Maybe he should focus on archery as well- it was important to have a wide mastery of weapons, after all, and archery would only make sense. When he heard his father come down the stairs, he ran up to him.

"Father, father! I did it! The Grand Fireball!" His father whipped around.

"Really?" He nodded, and Fugaku nodded with a faint smile.

"Well done, Sasuke. You're certainly growing faster than your brother in that area." As Sasuke beamed with this unexpected praise, Itachi came in. Fugaku turned to him.

"He's mastered the Grand Fireball in a week- much faster than you did at his age." Itachi smiled.

"Well done, Sasuke. That's great! We'll celebrate with barbeque." Mikoto shot them a look.

"I thought that we were going to celebrate by going to that nice little restaurant with the nice noodles." Fugaku sighed good-naturedly.

"Alright. It's not every day that my son learns a new technique, after all." Sasuke cheered. They'd noticed him for his own talent, not his brother's. For the first time, he'd stepped out of his brother's shadow.

As they sat waiting for the meal, Itachi and Fugaku had to talk about something quickly when one of the ANBU came up.

"Fugaku-sama, Itachi-san, your expertise is needed at the police station." Fugaku and Itachi traded looks.

"It's not every day that my son becomes a man in our clan. Please, find somebody else." The ANBU nodded in understanding. As a member of a clan himself, he knew that the clan head would honour any member of that clan.

"How about Shisui Uchiha? Do we have your permission to take him in your stead?"  
"Yes, Shisui will do finely. Go." As the ANBU left, Mikoto tutted.

"Are you sure you should have done that?" In response, Fugaku grinned.

"I am the head of the Uchiha clan, the oldest established clan in Konoha along with the Senju. I'll do what I damn well like, and tonight I want to spend it with my family." Sasuke looked at his father. This was the most open and close he'd ever felt to Sasuke. He felt the need to speak up.

"Father, I'd like to learn kenjutsu, kyūjutsu and kusarigamajutsu." Fugaku turned a half-lidded stare at his youngest son.

"Going to learn the ways of our founder? Well, finding a kusarigama of decent quality is always hard. I'll go over it with the clan blacksmiths, see if they have some practise ones." Mikoto nodded.

"At least it's good that you're going into close quarters combat. Itachi never really wanted to learn about swords much." She giggled at that, while Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"I picked up plenty, mother."  
"Sure you did, Itachi! I've seen you swinging that big stick around when you thought no-one was watching." Itachi poked Sasuke in the forehead with a 'poink.'

"That's practise for the ANBU." And thus, the evening went by like it would for a civilian family, with plenty of laughter and excitement. When Sasuke went to bed, it was with a smile.

In the morning, his training with weapons began. His mother was waiting for him on the training field. She was holding a wooden practise sword. She smiled at him.

"Sword training is hard, rough and above all, a matter of constant practise. I'll show you the basic kata. You ready?" Sasuke nodded, determined to learn every stance.

By the time they finished, he was a wreck. Sword training was hard, but he needed to do it. As he sat down and rested, he heard a loud cry.

"YOSH! IF I CANNOT HELP THIS YOUNG MAN GET THE BASICS OF CHAIN WEAPONRY, THEN I SHALL CLIMB THE HOKAGE MOUNTAIN USING ONLY MY TOES!" Looking out the window, Sasuke stared. He knew that mom had told him not to stare at strangers, but he had to admit, this was excusable.

The man outside had the LARGEST eyebrows he'd ever seen- it was if a pair of caterpillars had attached themselves to his face. His black hair was in a bowl cut, his green spandex along with the brown belt and above all the gleaming white teeth… Sasuke was sure that this man was an escaped mental patient.  
"That's the best man we could really find for the basics." Fugaku turned to him.

"Sasuke, remember this- if your mother saw you coming back home looking like him, she'd have both our heads. Don't fall for the Flames of Youth, whatever you do. Even Madara himself would fall victim to his terrible power." As Sasuke walked out, the strangely dressed man came up to him.

"Ah, you must be my most YOUTHFUL student! Come, let us train! For we are in the SPRINGTIME OF OUR YOUTH!" He finished with a smile and a thumbs up. The sun set, despite it being the middle of the afternoon, and Sasuke swore that he'd heard the crash of waves on rocks.

When Sasuke came to, it was to discover that he was even sorer, in bed with heavy restraints, and that Itachi was standing next to him.  
"Itachi…"  
"Thank god, Sasuke." Before he could ask what had happened, Itachi enveloped him in a hug.

"I thought you'd been lost to the Flames of Youth. The Uchiha may fan the Will of Fire, but not the Flames of Youth."  
"Itachi, what happened? I don't remember."  
"You came home looking like a mini-Gai complete with spandex and bowlcut, rambling about the Flames of Youth. Do you remember anything about kusarigamajutsu?" To his surprise, Sasuke actually had remembered that. Shrugging, he turned to the bow that was still there besides his bed. Itachi followed his gaze.

"You're completely mad, but alright."

**The Weird.**

Naruto was currently reading a book. While that may have seemed odd, it was completely new to the boy. Thanks to Sakura-chan, he'd learned how to read and write even better than before! Ever since Iruka and her had started teaching him how to read and write and all that stuff, he'd been able to read these ninja books a lot easier! She'd asked to see more of the tunnels, and he'd obliged, because that's what friends did for each other- they showed each other stuff. In return, she'd shown him how to walk on water, which was really cool. He'd done it along with Sasuke as well.

It had been a couple of weeks since the chakra paper training, and each of them had grown exponentially. He, in particular, had really grown. Sasuke was showing up with a training pair of modified nunchuks with wooden bits, meant to simulate a kusarigama. He'd also taken to taking a bow and arrow with blunt, soft wooden tips. He'd gotten very strong physically, a good shot with the bow, and skilled with the training sword and kusarigama in conjunction, wrapping the chain around the opponent while slashing with the sword. Combined with that Great Fireball thing that he'd shown Naruto, he was probably the strongest in direct combat.

Sakura, meanwhile, had also grown considerably. She'd taken to hiding out of sight, keeping track of the two boys with her sensory skills so that they couldn't ambush her anymore. She'd taken to physical training that Sasuke and he were giving her advise and pointers on. She'd also started using a couple of low rank Earth techniques, since they were so easy to use.

And finally, there was him, Naruto, the Number One surprising Ninja himself. He'd been training physically as well. His chakra control had shot up from 'non-existent' to 'passable.' Now, he could actually walk up trees and walk on water easily, which had led him to spread a new rash of pranks on the villagers, who for some reason didn't like his friendship with Sasuke. Maybe it was because he was a bit of a butt or something. Thanks to Sakura, he'd learned a couple of low rank Wind jutsu, mainly cleaning ones, but you take what you can get. As for his taijutsu, that'd shot through the roof now that he could actually spar with other people than a post he kept in his underground caverns. He'd also invented a couple of awesome ninjutsu. Thanks to his Wind affinity, he'd studied the Wind techniques of Suna, and concluded that he'd need a fan in order to utilise most of them. Maybe he could develop his relationship with the Uchiha far enough that he was on their good side so he could get a fan from them. He'd asked Sasuke, but he'd said that it was very difficult to get some of those. Still, he'd learned the Wind Blade based on reports on how it worked, which was something. Couldn't very well use it in normal circumstances, but it was still something.

Then, he'd developed his pranking and trap making skills even further. Hence, why he was reading a book. Sakura and Sasuke had so far been completely unable to even get to his heavily defended position. Those new storage seals that he'd learned how to do along with the explosive tags that he'd been making meant that his little tree hideout was now almost unreachable.

"Finally!" He closed the book and pulled a wire. As Sasuke landed on the tree branch, he immediately jumped off in order to avoid the log that was swinging through that branch.

"DAMNIT, NARUTO, FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!" No, he was going to finish this book on advanced seal making. He didn't know why this stuff was advanced, though. A week ago, he wouldn't have understood anything about it at all, but now he could actually read the book, he was tearing through advanced seal making like it was nothing but a basic formula. His surprisingly good head for equations meant that he'd now accidentally invented a new seal that effectively cloaked his chakra signature while projecting it elsewhere. He'd dubbed it, 'Projecting Lamp Seal.' As such, Sakura had looking for him somewhere else, on the other side of the training ground when she'd heard Sasuke's angry scream.

The two of them were ganging up on him.

"Hey, that's not fair!" Sasuke and Sakura's eyes had turned white in anger.

"Says the guy who rigged the training gorund with exploding tags, you ASSHOLE!" Naruto screamed like a pussy… then pulled another wire. Sakura and Sasuke blinked stupidly before the ropes around them got them by the ankles and hoisted them in the air.

"Be quiet, I'm reading a book." With that, Naruto tuned out his friends and started making notes.

**Please, read and review.**

**Thanks, ChicFreakSisterFierce, I like her too. She isn't going to be full evil, just some evil. Her and Naruto are the easiest perspectives to write. The same rules apply throughout this fic- review and make it interesting, and then I'll mention you and have the motivation to continue updating chapters.**


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